My husband is an asshole.

March 29, 2012

My husband is an asshole. At least, that is what a lot of people think. My husband is a bully. Or, that’s what I have been told. My husband has no compassion and hurts people’s feelings, says the people who call him names. I write now to set the record straight.

My husband is a writer. Talented with words and a way of articulating his thoughts and opinions so accurately.

My husband has passion. It burns inside of him and those who know him can feel the warmth of the fire set in his heart.

My husband loves Christ. His devotion to his Savior saved me at a time when I wanted to walk away from this faith.

My husband sees a problem in the Church. He sees the devastation caused in the name of Christ. He has seen people walk away from Christianity because it was so horribly misrepresented.

My husband is angry. He has every right to be. He has seen the hurt that the church has caused people. He has seen them walk away with nothing but wounds. He aches at these people’s pain.

My husband can be aggressive and he can come off as an asshole. He isn’t. He has a passion for change. He is desperate for people to see the freedom Christ has to offer instead of the bondage many churches administer in Christ’s name.

My husband is an amazing man and I love him with every fiber in my being. Please do not mistake his passion for hate.

20 Responses to “My husband is an asshole.”

  1. Alan Knox said

    No, he’s not an asshole… and, yes, he’s very passionate about many things, including Jesus Christ, Jesus’ church, and your family.

  2. Jayne Otterson said

    Can relate to your hubby’s anger issues with the way the Church is misrepresented. I am do too!

    Btw, your use of a swear word is offensive…just saying.

  3. I thought my beautiful wife must have posted this.

  4. Travis Klassen said

    @Tony, I agree! I felt the same way after reading this post! @Zombie Mom, thanks for standing with your man as he seeks truth and goes against the flow. It’s inspiring!

  5. Oh, and personally, thanks for swearing. I like real people.

  6. makechangereality said

    So simple, and so true. This shows us that we Christians have missed out on a few key lessons:

    1) the difference between sinful anger and justified indignation,
    2) how to recognize and respond to legitimate (and concerned!) criticism of Christian ideas/practices, and
    3) how to differentiate the ‘prophets’ among us from actual bullies.

    If our church leaders had better/deeper teaching on these things, maybe Christians wouldn’t get so confused and feelings wouldn’t get hurt as often, especially when long-held and much-loved traditions come under scrutiny.

    I hope that we Christians will learn to react better to criticism, and that we learn to evaluate our own beliefs and traditions more honestly too.

    Just some thoughts.

    Oh, and on the topic of swearing: It isn’t a prerequisite to authenticity. Some of my friends didn’t stop swearing once they became believers, so when they let one fly I know they’re being ‘real.’ But it isn’t for everyone. Profanity has never been in my vocabulary, so if I started now I’d probably sound as pitiful as a computer geek trying to be gangsta.

    • widsith said

      Gravatar posted a bad link on my profile (above). My old site “make change a reality” no longer exists. Sorry for the confusion!

    • whitecopper said

      I read your words and felt…”My People Die From Lack Of Knowledge…”

      Think of those who were killed (hurt feelings) by those in positions of leadership governed by ignorance, confusion, & immaturely administering direction when ‘those’ would have been better served by slow speech, quick to hear, & slow anger.

      I’m ‘neck-deep’ in an under-current of covert religious protocol, while the same is being criticized behind the pulpit. It’s a young body wanting to expand in a small town, trying to rid itself of pride while using that very thing to promote (rather than attract)

      This is what offends me! Not silly, stingless words called “swearing”. Our Lord was not afraid to get His hands dirty by ‘hanging’ with undesirables…those who swore or didn’t know any better. I don’t understand how we are to be an warm fire to those who need Forgiveness, if we are saying “don’t swear; it must be on ours terms”. Time to grow-up

  7. [...] wife, Stephanie, has just published a post titled My Husband is an Asshole. I don’t think I deserve what she says about me in this post. It is all much too kind. I love [...]

  8. Thank you all for your words. I appreciate every one. I sincerely apologize to those I offended by the words I chose to use. My vocabulary has always been less than extraordinary…

    • whitecopper said

      I saw it as a descriptive comparative; a back-drop for contrast…Nice job!!! I drew the positive out of your narrative, not a word that has no affect on those who should know better!!!

      No Apology Necessary!; In fact, I apologize on behalf of those who commented, but shouldn’t have. They simply missed the point…

  9. karyngk said

    Thank you for swearing! I mean it! I love Christ and I swear.. I feel bad about it but it’s one thing I’ve spent my life around and have had such a hard time letting go of.. I find it comes out when I’m being very ‘authentic’! Does that make sense?
    I myself have only come to the realization in the last few months about the church and the religiosity and all that goes with it. I spent 18 years being spiritually abused and controlled in the church. I’ve been out of it for almost 2.5 years and just in the last few months have I really started hearing from God about who He really is and about how out to lunch most of the mainstream church is…. I had no idea that what is modeled from the pulpit is so anti-Christ… So man-centred… So prideful – look at us – how good are we… There was no room for a saviour.. No room for being truly broken and needing to be set free and healed.
    Boy… I’m so in need of those things and I could never fit in in any church I was part of because I eventually went to leadership asking for more… And always being told that “I was right where God wanted me” even though I didn’t know Him or undertstand why I couldn’t relate to Him.
    Thanks for sharing and good on your husband for his passion to see people set free from RELIGION to encounter and know the true, flesh and blood, living CHRIST!!

  10. sarah said

    Thank you for posting this. I’ve been thinking about it all day. Your tone is perfect. Matter of fact. Non-defensive. All things I could say about my own dh, but without the clarity. I am deeply grateful.

    • Sarah, thank you for your comment. As a wife, I think it’s instinctive to rush to your husbands defense. My first reaction at seeing my husband abhorred for his views was to lash out in anger with a vengeance. But how would that make me better than those spewing hate and ridicule at him? It wouldn’t. It would have fueled their anger and resentment. Instead, I chose to list the things I know true of him, to illustrate his character and shine light on his intentions. It is painful to be mocked for your beliefs. The pain is ten fold when it is your spouse.

  11. widsith said

    Hi there,

    Stephanie, I support (and identify) with your post 100 per cent. And I thought I should clear up the confusion about my earlier comments too

  12. widsith said

    Stephanie, I support your post 100 per cent. Just wanted to make sure I clarified my earlier comments.

    And regarding the ‘swear’ issue, my comment wasn’t directed at you at all. I made it in response to Travis, as I was concerned some readers might get the idea that using coarse language (or whatever people want to call it–everyone defines it differently these days) is necessary for being ‘real.’ Authenticity is an important part of the Christian faith, and because we’re all unique, it looks different for everyone. Personally, I wasn’t offended at all with your word choice Stephanie. (Just wanted to clear that up too.)

    Thanks again for this post!

  13. Melanie Besser said

    I wish I had a husband that was as supportive of me as this wife is of her husband. I decided after 17 years as a very active and believing member of a church body to walk away and not look back. The church was full of hypocrites who couldn’t see the forest for the trees of the hurt they were perpetrating in the name of Christ. I tried for months to apply the words of Christ in Matthew 18 and was beat by the pastors and leadership for even insinuating there were problems. I was labeled a troublemaker and a divisive person. This is the third church that has done this in my 43 years of life and I am finding my faith is stronger now that it has ever been because in order to be fed I have to search and study the word myself. My husband thinks I am being ridiculous and is taking our children to another church for worship but I am not welcome to worship with them. I am sad and hurt and he is perpetrating more hurt but not being willing for us as a husband and wife decide the direction our children’s life in the church will or will not look like. Thank you for letting me know that there are people out there who I can stand along side on my judgment day and know that I at least tried to stand for what Christ is teaching us to do.

  14. Your husband is awesome. You are awesome. When I have been struggling with issues related to the church, God has used you have both to give me guidance and reassurance. Thank you! (Great post!)

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